To disappear

Have you ever tried to disappear? Apparently I have been trying to. We are fast approaching the 4 year anniversary of my BRCA 1 + diagnosis. Over the past year I have become a previvor. I have had a total hysterectomy to reduce my risk of ovarian cancer and a bilateral mastectomy to reduce my chanced of breast cancer. Long before I chose to have preventative surgeries I started erasing myself.

Being told there is an 80% chance of getting cancer is some seriously scary shit. I didn't consciously decide hey I should get rid of all my shit, but it happened. I got rid of my nicknacks. I got rid of things that I liked. Nothing that really meant anything or would be considered keep sake items to my children, just stuff. I don't think I wanted to burden them with what would remain of myself if I died. Not that I wanted to die but I think I was subconsciously trying to prepare for my passing and make it easier on my family.  I want them to remember me when I am gone but not by piles of possessions.

Then came my clothes. I got rid of all the things that were not practical mom life clothes. I got rid of things I didn't love. My life has been totally Konmari-ed. Yet we still have too much stuff(but that's a whole other story).

The whole time I have been trying to erase myself my husband has been desperately trying to put my in pretty things to help me feel beautiful. To help me feel like the person he knows I am and the person who is buried below the diagnosis. There I was standing at the end of the plank looking out over the sharks and he stood behind me trying to get me to put on a cute dress. I didn't fully understand it. I felt frustrated. I felt like an ugly hideous and repulsive weight.. a burden to him and those around me. Bless his heart for always trying to help dig me out of depressed funk. He has given me every tool and it is now my job to use them.

At some point it finally clicked. There is nothing like waking up. Waking up to see that you have a life. You have this moment. There is no reason to wallow in self pity and self hatred. Even though I have done all of these things to keep from getting sick, I might still get sick. Tomorrow is not a promise. All I have is this moment and I plan to use every single moment that I am blessed with to be happy.

I want to be strong for my kids. I want to laugh, smile, listen, support, encourage, and most of all cherish every second I get to spend with them. Every single day of my life is a blessing. I refuse to give up and become a big fat ball of stupid. No matter what challenge comes I plan to face it with fierce gracefulness.

My beautiful husband bought me shoes tonight. I haven't allowed myself to own more than 2 pair of shoes in such a long time. I am now the proud owner of 2 pair of dress shoes. I feel myself slowly becoming the person he deserves. The person he knows I can be. I got to spend another day with my best friend and that is the greatest gift in the whole world.

2017-2018 School Year!

<drum roll please>

Elizabeth 7th grade:

Cover Story
Math U See Zeta
R.E.A.L. Science Odyssey Biology Level 2
Cursive


Xander 3rd grade:

All About Reading Level 2
Math U See Delta
R.E.A.L. Science Odyssey Biology Level 1
Cursive

Alice PreK

All About Reading

Together they will be continuing our journey with:
Story of the World Volume 3 Early Modern Times
Life of Fred
All About Spelling
Tynker 
Tuttle Twins

Story of the World Volume 1 Chapter 22-42

We did it!!!

SOTW Volume 1 chapters 1-21 lap book review

Wow look at that. We did 20 chapters and I didn't even post an update. Life got a bit busy and I forgot. My children have had a lot of fun getting together with our friends and learning about the ancient world!

So you want to make your own Story of the World lap book for volume 1? You can find it here: http://brendajohnston.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_11.html This lovely woman saved the pdf from the person who made it then disappeared from the internet. She even has gone on to make lap books for the other volumes. I can not express how exited I am to finish volume one so we can moved on and use the lap books Brenda has put together.

Hello New Year!

It is time once again to drag one's self from the clutches of the Holiday Blues.

There was such purpose over the holidays. Now it is boring old January. It is a time to spend refocusing energies on the goals of the new year. What do I want to accomplish? How do I want to live my life?

It is also a midway point in the school year. Out with what isn't working and a time to start new projects and refocus on fine tuning of skills.

Take a deep breath. Out with old toxic friendships and time to all myself a rebirth in this beautiful new year.

Lets Get CRAFTY!! or insane...

I started an absolutely insane project awhile ago. I was asked to make a second one and donate it to the school the kids were attending. I think I got overwhelmed by the extensive amount of work that would take not to mention the cost. There was also some fear in the whole putting it together. What if I put the pieces in the wrong spot? So like I tend to do with things I am afraid of I put it away and followed other distractions.

I decided enough was enough and that this could tie in very nicely with the kids Story of the World study. So here I am super excited about it again. Things are moving along quickly now and I can't wait to get it to a useable state.

I ordered all the felt from http://www.benziedesign.com it is so beautiful and soft! Also I absolutely love the company!

I used felt glue to hole the pieces on foe ease in sewing.

A metric pile of laminating sheets was also necessary. 

A printer had to be purchased for printing on wax paper then ironing to the felt in an attempt to cut out the pieces easier. Lets just say it is easier to just cut out one piece at a time than to go that route. I also need the printer for printing on fabric for the ocean labels and all the color 3 part cards (plus general color print use)

Don't forget the vinyl for pockets in the quiet book! I had no idea how huge this roll would be.

I laid everything out.

Then I cut some things out... and gave up

Friday I pulled everything out and spent the evening cutting, then most of the weekend cutting and glueing and sewing. 

This is where I am now! I have North and South America Sewn down.

I even have all the puzzle pieces cut out and ready to go. 

The great 3 part card fiasco. I started with just doing the continent cards, but decided all the animals needed the same color back as the continent they live on to help with clean up and organizing. I also decided they all had to be cut out at the same time so they would all be the same size. 

Then the laminating process began. I used a dot of glue on the back of each to make sure they didn't move around on the laminating sheets. 

 

Here they are all cut, laminated, cut again and organized. 

Now I just have to find some velcro and keep sewing. 

Story of the World Volume 1 Chapter 3&4

I finished making chapter review cards for all of our kiddos. Before anyone gets cranky about making copies each family purchased their own work book and book AND audio book. We are playing by the rules. It took forever to make cards for 7 kids when you factor in cut out, laminate, cut out, and hole punch. I hope they actually end up using these. 

 Here are our scholars busy at work.

Our lap book / binder hybrid is working out nicely. We have 3 sections. The first is lap book which I found here, followed by work sheets from the official SOTW activity book and finally the note booking pages I found here.

Everyone wrote a message and translated it into cuneiform we put our messages on scrolls made with card stock and popcivle sticks. 

For the clay we used Sculpey clay. We did learn that even though the clay seems to not be hardening follow the directions on the package for baking. We left them in for 2 hours till they finally started to burn. Future experiments revealed that while the clay doesn't feel done when you touch it, really it is. 

I decided to add a pocket to the cover to have a place to store all our creations. I just cut a piece of card stock in half and stapled around the edges.

 Here is Xander's creation, a throw back to a Nomad cave drawing.

I opted to not mummify a chicken. My husband threatened to not come home + 7 children touching raw chicken sent my germaphobic self into a twitch. So Flynn Rider took one for the team and the kids wrapped him in gauze and we called it a day.