Dreams of ghosts

Last night I had a dream. Aunt Connie and Uncle Ethan came to my grandma's house. Connie is her sister. I was walking around showing them all the things I had done and got a bit weepy with the things I have not finished. Aunt Connie told me it was ok and gave me a hug. Uncle Ethan talked to me and we came up with a plan then got to work to make grandma's house safer and better. The problem is that Ethan died before grandpa did. I have dreamed of grandpa healthy and full of spunk. I guess it is part of the grieving process. I am so busy juggling all the things during the day that I guess the feelings are getting built up. It's ok. The dreams have been beautiful. It has been so nice to visit with these lovely men. I miss my grandpa so much.

The end of 2016 I was sure I was going to die. I started making myself smaller and smaller. I got rid of nick nacks. I got rid of all my clothes and shoes that I didn't wear on a weekly basis. It was the point I realized I had to take action and have the preventative surgeries. 

I am shooting a wedding tomorrow and don't have work clothes. My old clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway. BUT today I am off to buy some black dress pants and some black sneakers because I am ALIVE!! I am getting excited about this wedding. I love getting away and capturing moments of people.

Here's to new beginnings and new pants.

Insta Pot Chili

• 1 pound ground beef
• Olive Oil to look 
• 6 cups of tomato put through the vitamix / 10 on the vine tomatoes
• 1 green pepper, sliced then chopped with the pampered chef chopper
• 2 fist sized onions (white) 
• 7 cloves organic garlic, minced
• pink Himalayan salt to look 
• black pepper to look 
• 1 tsp Italian seasoning
• 2 cans of green wise pinto beans 2 cans of green wise dark red kidney beans 
• 1 tbsp chili powder
• 2-3 tsp ground cumin 
• A sprinkling of crushed red pepper
• 1 cup of chicken broth
• 1 can of green wise tomato paste

Onion, pepper and garlic sautéed in the insta pot with some olive oil.

Then I added the beef and browned it while adding all the spices. 

Once browned add 1 cup of chicken broth to deglaze the pan. 

Stir in beans and mis all together with the beef. 

In the blender mix up the tomatoes it came to 48 oz. Then I added 1 can of tomato paste and mixed some more.

Pour tomato on top of the beef and beans, don't stir.

Set to manual high pressure, 10 minutes. Allow to naturally release. 

This was pretty good. It was a bit bland. I think more chili powder next time. It was a bit soupy. I think less tomato or more bean would be better. 

I will burn every relationship if need be....

I am an absolutely horrible friend. I really am. For 12 years I have been devoted to my children. I have poured every ounce of my being into being a good mom. Before that I poured all of me into being the best wife I could be. Between the two rolls there isn't much left of me. I really don't have best friends like I once did. Those bridges started the crumble when I left high school early and started working. I am a easily distracted and put all of me into what ever I am doing. I admit it, I suck as a friend. I am not going to remember to call you. I am not going to go out at night, that time is for my family.

The happiness of my husband and the safety and wellbeing of my children is more important than any friend ship I may have. It is the hard truth. They are tiny little people and he needs me to be his partner. You are a grown ass adult. I am so sorry that I offended you by not calling and being the normal soft push over of a person that I tend to be. Guess what, you were cruel to my child. You did not tell them you were sorry. You think you were right to be cruel because the world is hard and I am too soft. Guess what, that is the definition of a bully. You don't get to be an ass hole to my kid and me not do something about it.

So no. I am not going to do the normal me thing. I am not going to grovel and beg you to be my friend. Honestly I am tired. I am tired of being everything to everyone. The most important job I have is being a wife and mother. That fact that you don't get that tells me that I made the right choice in going silent.

This is truly the hardest thing in the world for me. I don't like making people sad or hurting people. It is the complete opposite of who I am. For my husband and my children I have given all of myself and will continue to do so. My family is my world. The moment you hurt one of them you were no longer apart of my family and while I forgive you I will not let something like that happen again.

Math U See manipulatives

If I see one more person asking about alternative "blocks" for Math U See. Or cutting up pieces of paper I might just cry. You can get a used set for about $40. You will spend more time explaining to your child why their blocks are different than the video. It is totally worth the cost.

SO help me people! Just buy the blocks. Yes they are $80. Yes that is a lot of money. You are using these manipulative EVERY YEAR! Just buy them. They resell for more than 50% of their value. I am now using mine for the 6th year! That is $13.33 per year in manipulatives that are being used across 3 kids. The process works. Trust it.

Also don't even get me started on breaking publisher rules on actually using the work books. They cost $40 a year. Are you seriously going to have your child write out an entire text book to save $40 so you can resell the book?? I LOVE my portfolio filled with completed Math U See work books. Yes I tried out a used copy to start with and it sucked (couldn't afford a new copy now I budget so I CAN buy new). It sucked so bad I vowed to never buy used consumable anything again.

I get saving money. My children't amazing testing scores in math tell me it is worth every penny they charge. My 6th grader just tested at a 10th grade level. I am beyond proud and I thank Dr. Demme every day!

Freedom!

Sometimes when we remove ourselves from a situation we look back and realize it was toxic.

To disappear

Have you ever tried to disappear? Apparently I have been trying to. We are fast approaching the 4 year anniversary of my BRCA 1 + diagnosis. Over the past year I have become a previvor. I have had a total hysterectomy to reduce my risk of ovarian cancer and a bilateral mastectomy to reduce my chanced of breast cancer. Long before I chose to have preventative surgeries I started erasing myself.

Being told there is an 80% chance of getting cancer is some seriously scary shit. I didn't consciously decide hey I should get rid of all my shit, but it happened. I got rid of my nicknacks. I got rid of things that I liked. Nothing that really meant anything or would be considered keep sake items to my children, just stuff. I don't think I wanted to burden them with what would remain of myself if I died. Not that I wanted to die but I think I was subconsciously trying to prepare for my passing and make it easier on my family.  I want them to remember me when I am gone but not by piles of possessions.

Then came my clothes. I got rid of all the things that were not practical mom life clothes. I got rid of things I didn't love. My life has been totally Konmari-ed. Yet we still have too much stuff(but that's a whole other story).

The whole time I have been trying to erase myself my husband has been desperately trying to put my in pretty things to help me feel beautiful. To help me feel like the person he knows I am and the person who is buried below the diagnosis. There I was standing at the end of the plank looking out over the sharks and he stood behind me trying to get me to put on a cute dress. I didn't fully understand it. I felt frustrated. I felt like an ugly hideous and repulsive weight.. a burden to him and those around me. Bless his heart for always trying to help dig me out of depressed funk. He has given me every tool and it is now my job to use them.

At some point it finally clicked. There is nothing like waking up. Waking up to see that you have a life. You have this moment. There is no reason to wallow in self pity and self hatred. Even though I have done all of these things to keep from getting sick, I might still get sick. Tomorrow is not a promise. All I have is this moment and I plan to use every single moment that I am blessed with to be happy.

I want to be strong for my kids. I want to laugh, smile, listen, support, encourage, and most of all cherish every second I get to spend with them. Every single day of my life is a blessing. I refuse to give up and become a big fat ball of stupid. No matter what challenge comes I plan to face it with fierce gracefulness.

My beautiful husband bought me shoes tonight. I haven't allowed myself to own more than 2 pair of shoes in such a long time. I am now the proud owner of 2 pair of dress shoes. I feel myself slowly becoming the person he deserves. The person he knows I can be. I got to spend another day with my best friend and that is the greatest gift in the whole world.

2017-2018 School Year!

<drum roll please>

Elizabeth 7th grade:

Cover Story
Math U See Zeta
R.E.A.L. Science Odyssey Biology Level 2
Cursive


Xander 3rd grade:

All About Reading Level 2
Math U See Delta
R.E.A.L. Science Odyssey Biology Level 1
Cursive

Alice PreK

All About Reading

Together they will be continuing our journey with:
Story of the World Volume 3 Early Modern Times
Life of Fred
All About Spelling
Tynker 
Tuttle Twins

Story of the World Volume 1 Chapter 22-42

We did it!!!

SOTW Volume 1 chapters 1-21 lap book review

Wow look at that. We did 20 chapters and I didn't even post an update. Life got a bit busy and I forgot. My children have had a lot of fun getting together with our friends and learning about the ancient world!

So you want to make your own Story of the World lap book for volume 1? You can find it here: http://brendajohnston.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_11.html This lovely woman saved the pdf from the person who made it then disappeared from the internet. She even has gone on to make lap books for the other volumes. I can not express how exited I am to finish volume one so we can moved on and use the lap books Brenda has put together.

Hello New Year!

It is time once again to drag one's self from the clutches of the Holiday Blues.

There was such purpose over the holidays. Now it is boring old January. It is a time to spend refocusing energies on the goals of the new year. What do I want to accomplish? How do I want to live my life?

It is also a midway point in the school year. Out with what isn't working and a time to start new projects and refocus on fine tuning of skills.

Take a deep breath. Out with old toxic friendships and time to all myself a rebirth in this beautiful new year.

Lets Get CRAFTY!! or insane...

I started an absolutely insane project awhile ago. I was asked to make a second one and donate it to the school the kids were attending. I think I got overwhelmed by the extensive amount of work that would take not to mention the cost. There was also some fear in the whole putting it together. What if I put the pieces in the wrong spot? So like I tend to do with things I am afraid of I put it away and followed other distractions.

I decided enough was enough and that this could tie in very nicely with the kids Story of the World study. So here I am super excited about it again. Things are moving along quickly now and I can't wait to get it to a useable state.

I ordered all the felt from http://www.benziedesign.com it is so beautiful and soft! Also I absolutely love the company!

I used felt glue to hole the pieces on foe ease in sewing.

A metric pile of laminating sheets was also necessary. 

A printer had to be purchased for printing on wax paper then ironing to the felt in an attempt to cut out the pieces easier. Lets just say it is easier to just cut out one piece at a time than to go that route. I also need the printer for printing on fabric for the ocean labels and all the color 3 part cards (plus general color print use)

Don't forget the vinyl for pockets in the quiet book! I had no idea how huge this roll would be.

I laid everything out.

Then I cut some things out... and gave up

Friday I pulled everything out and spent the evening cutting, then most of the weekend cutting and glueing and sewing. 

This is where I am now! I have North and South America Sewn down.

I even have all the puzzle pieces cut out and ready to go. 

The great 3 part card fiasco. I started with just doing the continent cards, but decided all the animals needed the same color back as the continent they live on to help with clean up and organizing. I also decided they all had to be cut out at the same time so they would all be the same size. 

Then the laminating process began. I used a dot of glue on the back of each to make sure they didn't move around on the laminating sheets. 

 

Here they are all cut, laminated, cut again and organized. 

Now I just have to find some velcro and keep sewing. 

Story of the World Volume 1 Chapter 3&4

I finished making chapter review cards for all of our kiddos. Before anyone gets cranky about making copies each family purchased their own work book and book AND audio book. We are playing by the rules. It took forever to make cards for 7 kids when you factor in cut out, laminate, cut out, and hole punch. I hope they actually end up using these. 

 Here are our scholars busy at work.

Our lap book / binder hybrid is working out nicely. We have 3 sections. The first is lap book which I found here, followed by work sheets from the official SOTW activity book and finally the note booking pages I found here.

Everyone wrote a message and translated it into cuneiform we put our messages on scrolls made with card stock and popcivle sticks. 

For the clay we used Sculpey clay. We did learn that even though the clay seems to not be hardening follow the directions on the package for baking. We left them in for 2 hours till they finally started to burn. Future experiments revealed that while the clay doesn't feel done when you touch it, really it is. 

I decided to add a pocket to the cover to have a place to store all our creations. I just cut a piece of card stock in half and stapled around the edges.

 Here is Xander's creation, a throw back to a Nomad cave drawing.

I opted to not mummify a chicken. My husband threatened to not come home + 7 children touching raw chicken sent my germaphobic self into a twitch. So Flynn Rider took one for the team and the kids wrapped him in gauze and we called it a day.

Story of the World Volume 1 Intro, ch 1 & ch 2

Phew! We got ourselves all set up and ready to roll!

 First off we are using the text book, work book and audio book purchased through Peace Hill Press.

We then assembled a modified lap book. Why did I decide to three ring binder it?? Durability, lack of a giant stapler, greater function, and I just can't figure out how to properly get them put together.


We found our lap book pages here through the amazing blogger Brenda Johnston http://brendajohnston.blogspot.com .

Since we are using a 3 ring binder I was able to add more content. I found not booking pages AND time line cards over at Tending our Lord's Garden. http://tendingourlordsgarden.blogspot.com/p/recipes.html

The final section of our notebook is the work sheets and map work from the Story of the World Notebook. 

Story of the World Volume 1 Chapter 1: Nomads become farmers. We painted cave drawings and made satchels. We modified the satchels to be more universal so we could use them as we progress through time. They also added nicely to the kid's Halloween costumes. 

For Story of the World Volume 1 Chapter 2 we were on to Ancient Egypt. We built a model of the Nile. Looking forward to adding some pyramids, mountains and watching as the grasses grow. 

What study of Egypt is complete without building pyramids out of Lego. 

Here the kids are busy at work constructing the lap book elements, maps and note booking.

Instead of making a crown and staff for the kids Flynn Rider took one for the team and played the part of Pharaoh. Here he is rocking his pharaoh skirt made from felt.